Chapter 1...or should I say, Entry 1

Entry 1

Hello all my gorgeous beautiful people, how I wish I were you :). This is my first blog ever...actually, it's not, but that's besides the point. Needless to say, this is my first ever legitimate blog and a summer project for myself. This blog is pretty much self explanatory and will take you through the life and journey of an ugly girl, a.k.a, me. The point of this blog isn't to pity myself, or to cry about how ugly I am (well sometimes it will be just that), but it's to make all of you out there realize that you are all truly gorgeous and beautiful and that you should ALWAYS love yourself. Comprende? This is a lesson that I am slowly learning and I hope that by the culmination of this blog, whenever that is, I will have learned to love myself for who I am. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I will enjoy writing it. Ach So, Commencer S'il Vous Plait!

Über Mich (About Me)

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you possibly the ugliest girl you have ever seen (well not yet). I was torn  deciding whether or not to put my photo of myself but for the sake of remaining anonymous, I have decided not to. I just hope my description of myself will suffice. So you're probably wondering just how ugly I am, well I'll tell you. To begin with, I have two: eyes, a nose, lips, ears, shoulders, boobs, a torso, a navel, butt, legs, thighs, feet, arms, hair, eyebrows, etc. I sound absolutely gorgeous don't I? Well not really, I sound normal. I have brown skin (caramel colored), short hair that is a mess of curls, and brown eyes. I'm about 5'3 and weigh 119 lbs last time I checked (which was yesterday); however, despite all this "normalness" and ordinariness lies an ugly girl.

For starters, I'm about 300% sure that I was supposed to be a boy,  but at the last minute, God (or whoever you believe in) decided to uhhhh, just toss a vagina into the concoction that produced me. Really, I'm sure I was supposed to be a boy. From the time I was young, I've always had a deep voice for a girl. Most girls have light whimsical voices that slowly deepens into a more womanly yet feminine voice upon reaching puberty. Even the women who have deep voices, you can still tell that they're a woman when they talk. Not me, no siree bob. My voice is so deep that when I talk on the phone (if I don't use my fake high pitched girl voice), people can't distinguish my sex. I remember the one time I prank called a guy and he said "I can't even tell if this is a guy or girl talking". Well that's pretty much my life story. And so, I've resolved to using my high pitched girly voice when talking to strangers.

As if that isn't horrible enough, I have a round face. You might be thinking, wow, this girl is crazy, there's nothing unfeminine about a round face. Hold your horses people, let me explain. Of course, like most people, I crave the oh so perfect and symmetrical feminine oval face but alas, I don't have that. Now, I'm not gorgeous like the round face celebrities out there such as Ginnifer Goodwin, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, etc, NOOOPE, God (again, whomever you believe in) decided that would have been way too good for me.  My round face is covered by, you guessed it, beautiful acne which at this point in my life, I'm pretty sure is incurable, although it has gotten better now. On top of the acne, we have beautiful black spots (not beauty marks, I think I have about 3 beauty marks, how ironic), and then we have a bunch of ice pick acne scars, muyyyy delicious. Surprisingly, despite the rough appearance of my skin that makes you want to sandpaper the hell out of my face every time you see me, my skin is extremely soft and velvety (THANK GOODNESS, THE ONE GOOD THING). On my face I have beautiful small "football shaped eyes" (note the dripping sarcasm) as my optometrist calls them. Can you say astigmatism? 'Cause that's what I have! YAY. My nose is pretty normal and my lips are really nice (well I think so). So you see people, I'm not completely bashing myself, I am acknowledging the good points and the bad! Well moving on!

Next on this absolutely gorgeous girl is broad shoulders! Ewwww, I absolutely cannot stand my broad shoulders! When I was younger, my mother always used to comment on my broad shoulders. "Oh you have such nice broad shoulders" she would say "suits will look so nice on you, you don't need shoulder pads AT ALL" (wow, what a compliment). Yes, she is a seamstress and YES she did grow up in an era of shoulder pads (I actually shudder at the thought), and YES, she does have narrow shoulders! Why couldn't I just have had the perfect combination of my mom's narrow shoulders and my dad's broad ones! DAMN YOU mutated  genes (Yes, I am a biology second year university student! By the way, if there are any oncology pharmaceutical researchers reading this, SPONSOR ME, I have a revolutionary idea and I assure you, my confidence in my abilities far surpasses that of my confidence in my appearance). Moving on. Now, I don't want to exaggerate the broadness of my shoulders, they're not linebacker broad as I've seen on some women (thank the Lord), they're just a little broader than average, in fact, they may be average but my shoulders look look even WORSE with my narrow hips (don't worry, we'll get to that).

Let's move down to my boobs, average size, 32D blah blah blah, nothing special there. Moving on

Waist = small, tummy = pretty flat, but HIPS, or should I say lack thereof. I actually have no hips! I confronted my mom about this once and she said "You're CRAZY, we would have noticed that you had no hips when you were born". Really mom, I applaud your attempt at humor, but fail. Now in a world where the hour glass shape is the epitome of beauty, my lack of hips highly decreases (juxtaposition!) my chances of getting a man! I have yet to meet ONE guy who has a fetish for narrow to no hips. Even if there were men out there who had a fetish for no hips, I'd be too creeped out to give them a chance. Okay, I do have hips, but they're just very narrow that they actually concave, yes, I said concave, inwards. My left side looks like well  a normal non concaving narrow hip, but my right side actually is jutted in. I have to assume it's because one of my legs is shorter (guess which one). It would seem that no matter how many hip abductors I do, squats, or how much I eat, I will never get any flesh in my hip area because I guess that's just how my genes work.


Now on to my legs which are nothing spectacular, I actually have huge thighs. I'm pretty lean everywhere but my thighs are massive. Granted, I was very athletic when I was younger but now I just laze around all day dreaming of Utopia (still go to the gym almost every day though!) Now if I had hips, those thighs would actually be attractive but because of my lack of hips they look, well, ewwwwwwwww. No matter how much cardio I do, my thighs never decrease in size! I just lose weight in my boobs and I need them!!! They're the only proof that I'm a woman...well and that vagina of course! I will never get that much coveted space between my thighs! And no tight skinny jeans for me. Okay so shapely calves (I actually love my legs, especially when I wear heels), flat wide feet (right is wider than the left, due to one leg being shorter, again guess which one)

So now I've described me! And that's all there is about this ugliness! WRONG! There's more! I am completely covered with hair! Okay, not completely, but I'll quickly describe it for you so you get the picture. A girl is supposed to grow hair where? Quick lesson folks. On her head, on her underarms, pubic area, legs, and forearms. Now where do I have hair? On my head (yay!), on my breasts (boo!!! very thin light hairs), on my stomach (boo!!!!), again thin and light but covered in hair, on my thighs (front and back, thin and light but nevertheless, covered in hair), on my legs, on my underarms, pubic area, but wait, I saved the best for last, on my chin! Yes ladies and gentlemen, on my chin! NO, it's not a beard! but I get about 10-20 hairs on my chin, most are thin and light colored but I get 2 coarse hairs every time. Guess what, I'm not even 20 yet! but I have to WAX my chin! My mom gets them, but she didn't start getting them until she was approaching menopause and she only gets 2 or 3!

NO, I don't have hormonal problems! I've gone and seen a physician, an endocrinologist, your mom, etc and I've done many checkups and all my hormone levels are normal. I have the normal amount of estrogen for a female, the normal amount of testosterone (or androgens, whichever you prefer) for a female, etc. Whether or not they're in balance, I don't know, but what I do know is that I don't have too much testosterone.

Looking at the females in my family, NONE of them have deep voices, ALL of them have hips, etc, so why was I cursed? SIMPLY for YOUR humor of course. All I can do is thank God that my intelligence level is above average and that I will be finding the cure to cancer (again, pharmaceutical companies, I am at your mercy!)

Despite all these issues, I am thankful that I have a good sense of humor, I can see, I can hear, I can eat, I'm healthy, I have a family that loves me, good friends, a good education (ignore the grammar mistakes here, I wrote this in a hurry), etc. Still, in a society that places such a high value on beauty, I can't help feeling insecure and knowing that I have to work so much harder to get where I want because I'll never be society's definition of beautiful and I have to wait so much longer for my Prince Charming (if he even exits). Nope, never had a boyfriend.

Well, that's all for today! Hope you enjoyed it!  Sorry that it was so long this time but it was my first entry and I had to painfully describe myself. Leave your questions and comments here or you can email me at diaryofanuglygirl@gmail.com :)

Stay Gorgeous!