Nobody can control how they look, so why are we all so superficial?
I've been called ugly and been bullied for it since the time I was about 10 years old.
Back then (9 years ago), there were really no anti bullying campaigns. People saw, they watched (I hate bystanders more than actual bullies). People were there, they heard. Teachers saw, they did nothing.
I was physically bullied because of it and I was also verbally abused.
I think the verbal insults hurt the most than the physical bruises.
I carry those verbal scars with me...and I always will.
I will never look at myself and see myself in a good light.
Any time I try to, all the insults I had to face echos through my mind and I begin to see the ugliness people see in me.
I used to be so confident because of how smart I "was" and how ambitious I "was".
There was nothing that I set my mind to that I could not accomplish.
I won all the awards, got all the scholarships, founded all the programs, was thought to be the funniest...etc and success was the only thing that kept me afloat.
Now, I don't even think about that anymore.
I'm not the kind of person to revel in past glory, I was to be ever changing and experiencing growth all my life.
I yearn for growth in : wisdom, understanding, knowledge, success, kindness...maturity
Now all my thoughts are consumed with how ugly I am.
That's all I ever think about.
I've never had a boyfriend. I've never had a guy like me. My time now is no longer spent being the best I can be. It's spent Googling surgeries and to change myself into something I am not to please a superficial world...because the world refuses to embrace...not even embrace...accept me for how I look.
We have all these stupid programs trying to boost the self esteem of girls everywhere. One program that focuses on such is the Dove (girl's program? I don't know what it's called) program. I hate it. Their goal is to let all girls know that they're beautiful, yet in every Dove advertisement, we see the same people...the people that the world would consider attractive.
How can you help a girl increase her confidence when you continually throw images that are contrary to the message you're trying to send to her? I don't understand.
From the time I was young, even when I was cute (and trust me, I was a gorgeous child), all I wanted was to have a beautiful spirit. Now, the world has informed me that a beautiful spirit is useless. It is their opinion that being physically attractive is of more importance. Despite the fact that the definition of beauty is constantly changing and the fact that physical beauty can be wiped away in a split second.
I'm only 19, but when people meet me, they think I am 22. It annoys me so much. People tell me they think so because I act so mature. They are always so surprised at my maturity. I have to thank God for that. I know that I'm only mature because of everything that I had to endure. I know that I'm only wise because of my painful childhood. I wish I could somehow erase this mindset...the mindset that physical beauty is everything....
Friday, 16 November 2012
Friday, 14 September 2012
New Glasses
Hey people! I am so sorry that I haven't blogged in a while! I have been utterly swamped with the beginning of the new school year and such. To all my many fans (a.k.a just myself), I apologize. I have so much that I want to talk about but instead, I'll just talk about the most recent events. Yesterday I received a new pair of prescription glasses! Guess what? They only cost me $14.53!!! Can you believe it, such a bargain! NO! They aren't bootleg glasses, they are actually real prescription glasses. My new glasses are the wayfrarer style (those hipster glasses). They look like this.
How I got them, you ask? Well I'mma tell you. I went to the optometrist and did a complete eye exam (it was a bit expensive, about $120) and then I got my prescription. There is a difference between an eye exam and an eye test. An eye test basically just gives you your prescription but an eye exam does that and checks your eyes for eye diseases such as glaucoma. It is important to have an eye exam every year so that any detected eye diseases can be treated, if possible, and in the cases of untreatable diseases (such as glaucoma), it can be slowed down. Anyway, after I got my prescription, I went to www.clearlycontacts.ca . Clearly Contacts is really good because it offers you a wide variety of glasses, brand name inclusive, at an affordable price. They have a promotion which is ongoing (for now), where you get your first pair of glasses free. All you have to do is find a pair you like (even if it's brand name), enter your prescription, and then it'll advise you to get a bunch of add-ons such as no scratch lenses, UV protection lenses, etc. I never get that stuff, that's for rich people. Then when you go to check out, it will ask you if you have a coupon. The coupon code for the free glasses is firstpairfreeca and it basically zeros the original price of the glasses. How they ensure people don't abuse this offer, I don't know, but all I know is that I got my glasses for free!
My glasses were supposed to cost $97 dollars, but I didn't have to pay that because of the coupon. All I had to pay was for shipping $9.99 and taxes ...so my total was $14.53. I took them to my optometrist to make sure they were okay and he said they were fine. Get on it people! I don't know how long this promotion lasts for. It's really nice because they include glasses case, spray, and a wipe for you.
It's funny how a new pair of glasses completely changes your perspective. As soon as I put them on, I felt cute! Mind you, not beautiful, but cute. The glasses helped narrow my face and bring attention to my eyes and as soon as I saw myself, I realized that I wasn't as ugly as I thought (actually, I realized that I'm NOT UGLY AT ALL). I was even cute. I could finally see what others could see in me. Wearing the glasses gave me a huge confidence boost and I was so happy because I wouldn't have been able to afford the glasses otherwise. I was so scared to put them on because I thought that having good vision would result in me seeing even more flaws in myself; however, the complete opposite happened. I don't feel like I'm pretty or gorgeous but I feel a lot better about myself. In other news, in one of my courses, there is this really CUTE guy. Usually my courses are huge! I usually have about 1500 students in one class, but this is my tiniest class and there are only 23 people. I noticed this really cute guy with glasses like mine. He has dark brown hair and these gorgeous intense blue eyes. I'm a sucker for people with dark hair and bright eyes. He was too cute. My nickname for him is Mr. Beautiful Blue Eyes but I doubt he'll ever talk to me. Anyway, I gotta run.
Stay Gorgeous!!!
Credits
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
Back to School Sales
I HATE "Back to School Sales". It's that awful reminder that another year of debauchery is about to begin. You know when you turn on the radio or the tv and you CANNOT seem to get away from these stupid "Back to School Sale" commercials? Really, I want to smack the person who thought of this. I really want to run them over with my car, then back up, and run them over again. The most annoying part is that these people have the audacity to sound excited about it. They usually start of saying something along the lines of "It's that time of the year!!!" in a really fake eager voice, and excitedly, I start wondering what time of the year it is (the fool I am). I'm thinking to myself, it's I LOVE learning and I wish that I could learn everything possible. I love school because I get to learn, but the amount of stress that I undergo during the school year makes me despise the beginning of school and treasure my lazy summer days. I can't even remember how many times I've contemplated suicide because of stress in school. It's really like a daily ritual for me. Okay, so I'll wake up this morning, and then I'll kill myself. I have my cyanide capsules in a locket tied around my neck. Okay kidding, it's not that bad, but really, the stress in school is mad! I mean, for some people it's not that bad, but for me, it's horrendous.
During the school year (or university year for me), my sense of fashion goes out the door along with my sense of fun. It's sweatpants for me all day every day. It's so bad for me that I don't even bother with my hair. Basically, whatever state my hair is in the minute I wake up is the state my hair will be in for the rest of the day. Yup, I just LOVE school. I've officially disconnected myself from the rest of the world so I can avoid these horrid advertisements. I swear to PUT that if I hear one more thing about "Walmart having immense back to school sales" or I hear that you can "buy Notebooks for 99 cents at Walmart" (which is a good deal and I should check it out) or if I hear that "Sears is having a massive sale on clothes for kids with a lifetime warranty", I'm gonna smack someone. I'd rather enjoy the rest of my lazy summer days reading novels with no sense of time whatsoever and NOT have to be reminded that school is starting soon.
Stay Gorgeous!
Photo Credits:
- "School Uniforms" I'd like to know what school this is
- Cyanide (but not happiness)
- Lace front wig back to school sale Just Ghetto
Things I need
Things I need
Makeup
- Liquid/Gel Eyeliner
- Mascara volumizing and lengthening
- Primer
- Concealer
- Foundation
- Bronzer
- Blush
- Sparkly powder
- Lip gloss
- Brazilian hair extensions 200 grams
- Push up bra
- Low cut tees
- Knee High boots
- Butt pads
- Brazilian wax
- Pedicure
- Manicure
- Eyebrow threading
Okay so I don't actually need these things. This was my friend's list for back to school, mine was somewhere along the lines of
Tools
- Notebooks (preferably the cute ones)
- New pencil case (old one is broken)
- Textbooks
- New Laptop Battery and keyboard
- Printer Ink
- Daily Planner
- New Bible Daily Guide
- New pair of Jeans and some t-shirts
- New hat
- Pearl earrings
- Socks
- Hair scrunchies
- New Sneakers
- New Yoga Mat
Completely different lists here and mine is cheaper. What are you guys getting for back to school?
Friday, 3 August 2012
The White Man's Burden - Beauty
Hola Mi Gentes!
Firstly, let me apologize for not blogging in a long time (for those of you who follow my blogs). I have been so busy prepping for the upcoming school year. Secondly, I just want to clarify something before I write this new blog. I am NOT a depressed individual who spends all day at home crying about how ugly I am. I am not that insecure with myself. I have lots of friends, I'm really smart, I am very independent, I am involved in a lot of activities and clubs and I am pretty popular...so to those of you who have been sending me "comforting" messages, telling me to be more confident in myself, and informing me that I really can't be THAT ugly (emphasis on "that"), thank you very much for your concern but I am NOT, and I repeat, NOT depressed. I am okay with myself and I am very happy with my life. Of course I'm a bit insecure about my looks but who isn't? My blog isn't to look for sympathy but it's to help all those who go through insecurity issues as I do and help them to come to terms with the wonderful aspects of themselves. Not everyone can be pretty, but everyone can be beautiful.
Okay, on that note, off to today's topic.
Have you ever noticed that when you open magazines or turn on the tv, or whatever your media source, that what is defined as beauty is ALWAYS a white person? I mean really, what our society chases after are gorgeous white, heavily photoshopped, but nevertheless, white people. Every day we are told to put aside prejudice and to accept that all people, despite race, are equal and can be beautiful, yet, whenever there is a beauty icon, someone who all girls long to be like and all men long to bed, it's always a white person. Now for the people who want to jump the gun and say "Hey, you're wrong, what about Tyra Banks, and Beyoncé Knowles." Okay, I'll give you that one, you're right, there are a few non white beauty icons out there like Tyra Banks, but, do you realize that for every 1 Tyra Banks, there are about 5 trillion Kate Mosses? Did you also notice that the majority, if not ALL of these black beauty icons have Caucasian Features or are really light skinned (caramel colored)? A lot of them are even mixed! They have thinner noses, thinner lips, caramel skin, silkier longer natural hair,etc. It's not even in the Western world, it's everywhere! Even a friend, whom I was crushing on, told me that black women are only pretty if they have Caucasian features or light skin. Hardly will you see a black beauty icon with a broad nose, dark skin, full lips, and kinky hair and yet there are LOTS of beautiful women with these features but society never puts any emphasis on them!
It's not even just with black people, it's also with Asians! Either you'll see your super stereotypical Asian or you'll see an extremely westernized white washed one with a thinner nose, with dyed hair, fake boobs, rounder eyes, etc. I mean, take a look at this, it's appalling (Chinese Girls and the Art of Makeup)! What is so wrong with embracing the beauty that each group of people has to offer? It's really annoying. I remember when I was younger, I would look at myself in the mirror wishing that I had a thinner nose and thinner lips. I would press my lips tight together, and I would plug my nose for about 5 minutes so it could be thinner. I remember that my white mates would say, "hey, you have a big nose (and my nose really isn't big, it's normal for my face)" and I would feel bad but to act as if I didn't care I would always reply: "hey, have you ever considered the fact that my nose may not be big but that yours is just ridiculously small?" That aside. it got to the point where I was uncomfortable being the person I was created to be and that I felt I had to be something I was not to be beautiful. Now, I've gotten over that and I've embraced every part of me that is me.
My advice to you people, stop looking at magazines to tell you what looks good (clichéd, I know, but really). Look at yourself and see what makes you beautiful. Dress for your body shape and not how Kim Kardashian dresses (we all don't have that body figure). Work with your own hair! You don't need weaves, extensions, or whatever. If your hair is nappy, you can still work with it to make cute afros, braids, and twists. If your hair is super straight, you can still curl it to give it volume, etc. If you're Asian, you don't need contacts that make your eyes look big and round (as my Korean friend has) or globs of eyeliner to make your eyes bigger. You certainly don't need double eyelid surgery (as some of my Chinese friends want). You're fine the way you are. Look at yourself and work with YOUR body to make YOURSELF look good and stop looking to this stupid definition of being beautiful as white and start looking to yourself as beautiful.
Firstly, let me apologize for not blogging in a long time (for those of you who follow my blogs). I have been so busy prepping for the upcoming school year. Secondly, I just want to clarify something before I write this new blog. I am NOT a depressed individual who spends all day at home crying about how ugly I am. I am not that insecure with myself. I have lots of friends, I'm really smart, I am very independent, I am involved in a lot of activities and clubs and I am pretty popular...so to those of you who have been sending me "comforting" messages, telling me to be more confident in myself, and informing me that I really can't be THAT ugly (emphasis on "that"), thank you very much for your concern but I am NOT, and I repeat, NOT depressed. I am okay with myself and I am very happy with my life. Of course I'm a bit insecure about my looks but who isn't? My blog isn't to look for sympathy but it's to help all those who go through insecurity issues as I do and help them to come to terms with the wonderful aspects of themselves. Not everyone can be pretty, but everyone can be beautiful.
Okay, on that note, off to today's topic.
The White Man's Burden
Have you all ever heard of the "White Man's Burden" Okay, if you haven't, I'll quickly give you a run down. Basically, during the colonization period, the white man (referring to the imperialists at that time), felt that it was their duty to: educate the world, teach non white people how to be civilized, convert heathens to Christianity and to basically impose the Western (or White Man's culture) onto different groups of people (because clearly, their way of life was "uncivilized", *note the heavy sarcasm). Let me just start off by saying I have nothing against white people so before anyone starts calling me a racist, think again. The problem I have is that the view that everything associated with being white, or the western world, is good; where people have the perspective that "if it's white, it's right", where people neglect who they are and try to become "white" to fit in more -- that's where the problem is. I can go into a huge discussion about how this mindset is still deeply embedded in different parts of society, but what I'll focus on is the beauty aspect, since this is a blog about physical beauty.
Have you ever noticed that when you open magazines or turn on the tv, or whatever your media source, that what is defined as beauty is ALWAYS a white person? I mean really, what our society chases after are gorgeous white, heavily photoshopped, but nevertheless, white people. Every day we are told to put aside prejudice and to accept that all people, despite race, are equal and can be beautiful, yet, whenever there is a beauty icon, someone who all girls long to be like and all men long to bed, it's always a white person. Now for the people who want to jump the gun and say "Hey, you're wrong, what about Tyra Banks, and Beyoncé Knowles." Okay, I'll give you that one, you're right, there are a few non white beauty icons out there like Tyra Banks, but, do you realize that for every 1 Tyra Banks, there are about 5 trillion Kate Mosses? Did you also notice that the majority, if not ALL of these black beauty icons have Caucasian Features or are really light skinned (caramel colored)? A lot of them are even mixed! They have thinner noses, thinner lips, caramel skin, silkier longer natural hair,etc. It's not even in the Western world, it's everywhere! Even a friend, whom I was crushing on, told me that black women are only pretty if they have Caucasian features or light skin. Hardly will you see a black beauty icon with a broad nose, dark skin, full lips, and kinky hair and yet there are LOTS of beautiful women with these features but society never puts any emphasis on them!
Stay Gorgeous!!!
Photo Credits:
- Kate Moss
- Top left corner: Beautiful Black Girl
- Top Middle: Beautiful Indian Girl
- Top Right: Beautiful Liberian Girl
- Bottom Left: Beautiful Chinese Girl
- Bottom Middle: Beautiful Syrian Girl
- Bottom Right: Beautiful Panamanian Girl
- Last Photo: Beautiful Afro Chic
Friday, 27 July 2012
Depression!
Entry 3 - Disappointment Galore
Hi beautiful people! Sorry that I didn't blog yesterday, I was trés busy! Question! Have you ever wanted something, I mean really wanted something, and you worked your butt for it, you were about 500% sure it would happen, and then you played the waiting game for a long time (your impatience almost tearing you apart), and one day, you finally get the answer to what you have desired for so long, only to find out the answer is that it didn't work out at ALL? Not that it didn't work out the way you planned, but it just didn't work out! Can you say depression??? 'Cause I CAN
In other news, I have another question! Ever have that moment when you start to feel slightly comfortable in your body? I mean, after years of looking at yourself and seeing ugly, having people call you ugly, and knowing that you're ugly (I think that only happens to me), but all of a sudden, one day, you put your glasses on and look in the mirror and think to yourself, "I'm not that bad". That's how I felt yesterday! I was so excited to blog about it and I jumped onto my computer ready to type, but what was on the MSN homepage? Something about Kim Kardashian! Usually, I get extremely annoyed with Celeb news, because as an activist, I feel that with all the dire situations occurring across the globe (Syria conflict, Israeli-Palestinian conflict for ex), I feel that the most unnecessary news is about celebs and their drama; however, upon looking at this "bikini shot" of Kimmy K, the little confidence that had suddenly come was shattered. I then started feeling really bad about my body and looks again!
Hi beautiful people! Sorry that I didn't blog yesterday, I was trés busy! Question! Have you ever wanted something, I mean really wanted something, and you worked your butt for it, you were about 500% sure it would happen, and then you played the waiting game for a long time (your impatience almost tearing you apart), and one day, you finally get the answer to what you have desired for so long, only to find out the answer is that it didn't work out at ALL? Not that it didn't work out the way you planned, but it just didn't work out! Can you say depression??? 'Cause I CAN
That is EXACTLY how I felt today! I had been waiting for about 2 months, and FINALLY, I received an email from the person I was waiting to reply. I was so excited and opened the email expecting to see, "Congratulations...", instead what I saw was, "I'm sorry to bring the bad news, BUT". Oh Bullocks! I couldn't even cry! I continually refreshed my email hoping that I would get a reply saying "April Fools!" (even though it's July!). As my mom says, "don't count your chickens before they hatch!". Not only had I counted my chickens, I had already plucked and grilled them and eaten them with rice and veggies. In other words, I was banking on this opportunity so badly that I hadn't thought about anything else. I hadn't made back up plans (lesson learned), I was so sure that this would work that I had actually given up many opportunities for this!
I was so overcome with depression and I was so sad, and I was angry at the same time because I felt I truly deserved it because I worked my butt off for it. Alas, we can see the way my luck has been going; however, I had to convince myself that all things work out in the end for the best. I can't see into the future and know whether or not this would have been good for me. Even though all I can think about now is all the opportunities I will miss because this didn't work out, I have to focus on the fact that things will get better. I mean it can only go up from here right? Screw that! 2012 has been a crappy year thus far and I can't WAIT for it to be over!
In other news, I have another question! Ever have that moment when you start to feel slightly comfortable in your body? I mean, after years of looking at yourself and seeing ugly, having people call you ugly, and knowing that you're ugly (I think that only happens to me), but all of a sudden, one day, you put your glasses on and look in the mirror and think to yourself, "I'm not that bad". That's how I felt yesterday! I was so excited to blog about it and I jumped onto my computer ready to type, but what was on the MSN homepage? Something about Kim Kardashian! Usually, I get extremely annoyed with Celeb news, because as an activist, I feel that with all the dire situations occurring across the globe (Syria conflict, Israeli-Palestinian conflict for ex), I feel that the most unnecessary news is about celebs and their drama; however, upon looking at this "bikini shot" of Kimmy K, the little confidence that had suddenly come was shattered. I then started feeling really bad about my body and looks again!
I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has those days were things seem to go from bad to worse. Or when one good thing happens, 10 bad things have to happen to counteract the good thing. If I think about it, I get utterly depressed, but my advice for you people is to be positive. Look at Alice Herz-Sommer (Amazing woman!). She is 109 years old and survived the holocaust! She attributes her longevity to her optimism regardless of the situation. She wasn't even considered pretty! So my advice to you people is that whenever you have one of those "I wish I were never born" days, consider all the positive aspects of your life and if all you can think about is the shitty aspect, try to find a way to turn that around. I know, clichéd, but whenever I have one of those days, I try not to dwell on it 'cause then I can just sit in my room in the dark for days being depressed. I just motivate myself and say "Hey shitty [whatever], I'm gonna make you my bitch and I will conquer you". That's all for today people.
New Facebook Page (click link)
Stay Gorgeous!!!
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
Entry 2 - "A little powder, a little paint, makes a woman seem like what she ain't!"
Why I DESPISE makeup
Okay, I can never seem to find a good makeup brand for my skin. I have tried possibly every brand, or well known brand in the history of makeup and none seems to work for my skin! Let's get started shall we. MAC aka Studio Fix, aka, the Grease Machine. Mac has GREAT cover, especially the liquid foundation. I put it on my face and it made my skin look FLAWLESS. Really, I look like a goddess with Mac makeup on, but doesn't everyone? When I bought my Mac makeup (from the persuasion of a friend), I asked the Mac lady if their makeup was oil free. Firstly, that Mac attendant had the WORST customer service ever. She looked bored, like she didn't want to be there, she was sullen and didn't acknowledge us. Work on your employees Mac. Anyway, this idiot lied and said "yes, our liquid foundation is oil free". Poppy cock and BULL. I told her that I was pretty sure it contained oil unless the coverage wouldn't be so good, she then went to respond with, "yes it contains oil (contradiction much), but oil breaks down oil so it works well if you have oily skin." I'd like to meet their cosmetic chemist who put that bullshit in their training manual. She didn't even sound convinced herself, but I was so impressed with the coverage that I bought it on whim.
After the first, 15 minutes, FIFTEEN MINUTES, of having this pore clogging, acne impregnating shit on my face, my face starts to sting horribly. I feel my skin getting way oilier and greasier. I noticed people at the bus stop were staring at my face and I foolishly thought to myself, "DAMN, I must look SO good 'cause their eyes can't seem to leave my face", only for me to get home and to look in the mirror and to see that it looks like I have immersed my face in grease and oil for the last 50 years. I cleaned the hell out of my face and then I saw that I had a bunch of breakouts. This was after about an hour and a half of wearing this shit! MAC, you FAIL. Yes, I have beef with MAC.
Second on the chopping block, Sephora. This time I went there with a makeup artist and she advised me to get powder foundation because it would work better for oily skin. We color matched my skin, and although the foundation was okay, I found that the coverage sucked. I had to smear on concelear (Kat Von D tattoo whatever concealer) over all my black spots, which is basically all over my face (and by the way, the concealer failed to conceal my spots, if it can't conceal simple black spots, how can it conceal a tattoo? Save your money folks). The concealer only made my skin an unnatural pale color, then the foundation darkened my skin to its actual color. It was okay, and this makeup could last about 30 -45 min in cool weather without greasing up
I truly hate makeup. I don't want to be like one of those girls who are dependent on makeup and has to wear it everyday. I'm okay with wearing eyeliner, mascara, and maybe a bit of lip gloss every day, but putting on the whole schwack? NO. Primer, Concealer, Foundation, Bronzer, Blush, the spray, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, eyes shadow. Heck NO. I get tired just thinking about that never ending process. I don't want to be like one of those girls who has 10 inches of paint on her face and then the day she takes off the makeup, everyone is like, WHAT THE HELL. I wish I were one of those girls who is just naturally beautiful, or just naturally had good skin (even if I wasn't beautiful), so that I don't have to bother with makeup, but alas, I was cursed! As we're speaking right now, I have a huge pimple on my jaw, ouch!
When I tell my friends how ugly I am, the lie easily comes out of their lips "noooo, you're pretty" they say, and I just want to smack them, really hard! Stop lying! I despise liars! "All you have to do is put on makeup, blah blah blah". I just close my eyes and think to myself, if I were pretty, I WOULDN'T have to wear makeup. Thankfully, I have gotten past that stage where I feel so insecure about my face that I have to walk with my head down.
That's all for today people!
Stay Gorgeous!
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Chapter 1...or should I say, Entry 1
Entry 1
Hello all my gorgeous beautiful people, how I wish I were you :). This is my first blog ever...actually, it's not, but that's besides the point. Needless to say, this is my first ever legitimate blog and a summer project for myself. This blog is pretty much self explanatory and will take you through the life and journey of an ugly girl, a.k.a, me. The point of this blog isn't to pity myself, or to cry about how ugly I am (well sometimes it will be just that), but it's to make all of you out there realize that you are all truly gorgeous and beautiful and that you should ALWAYS love yourself. Comprende? This is a lesson that I am slowly learning and I hope that by the culmination of this blog, whenever that is, I will have learned to love myself for who I am. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I will enjoy writing it. Ach So, Commencer S'il Vous Plait!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you possibly the ugliest girl you have ever seen (well not yet). I was torn deciding whether or not to put my photo of myself but for the sake of remaining anonymous, I have decided not to. I just hope my description of myself will suffice. So you're probably wondering just how ugly I am, well I'll tell you. To begin with, I have two: eyes, a nose, lips, ears, shoulders, boobs, a torso, a navel, butt, legs, thighs, feet, arms, hair, eyebrows, etc. I sound absolutely gorgeous don't I? Well not really, I sound normal. I have brown skin (caramel colored), short hair that is a mess of curls, and brown eyes. I'm about 5'3 and weigh 119 lbs last time I checked (which was yesterday); however, despite all this "normalness" and ordinariness lies an ugly girl.
For starters, I'm about 300% sure that I was supposed to be a boy, but at the last minute, God (or whoever you believe in) decided to uhhhh, just toss a vagina into the concoction that produced me. Really, I'm sure I was supposed to be a boy. From the time I was young, I've always had a deep voice for a girl. Most girls have light whimsical voices that slowly deepens into a more womanly yet feminine voice upon reaching puberty. Even the women who have deep voices, you can still tell that they're a woman when they talk. Not me, no siree bob. My voice is so deep that when I talk on the phone (if I don't use my fake high pitched girl voice), people can't distinguish my sex. I remember the one time I prank called a guy and he said "I can't even tell if this is a guy or girl talking". Well that's pretty much my life story. And so, I've resolved to using my high pitched girly voice when talking to strangers.
As if that isn't horrible enough, I have a round face. You might be thinking, wow, this girl is crazy, there's nothing unfeminine about a round face. Hold your horses people, let me explain. Of course, like most people, I crave the oh so perfect and symmetrical feminine oval face but alas, I don't have that. Now, I'm not gorgeous like the round face celebrities out there such as Ginnifer Goodwin, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, etc, NOOOPE, God (again, whomever you believe in) decided that would have been way too good for me. My round face is covered by, you guessed it, beautiful acne which at this point in my life, I'm pretty sure is incurable, although it has gotten better now. On top of the acne, we have beautiful black spots (not beauty marks, I think I have about 3 beauty marks, how ironic), and then we have a bunch of ice pick acne scars, muyyyy delicious. Surprisingly, despite the rough appearance of my skin that makes you want to sandpaper the hell out of my face every time you see me, my skin is extremely soft and velvety (THANK GOODNESS, THE ONE GOOD THING). On my face I have beautiful small "football shaped eyes" (note the dripping sarcasm) as my optometrist calls them. Can you say astigmatism? 'Cause that's what I have! YAY. My nose is pretty normal and my lips are really nice (well I think so). So you see people, I'm not completely bashing myself, I am acknowledging the good points and the bad! Well moving on!
Next on this absolutely gorgeous girl is broad shoulders! Ewwww, I absolutely cannot stand my broad shoulders! When I was younger, my mother always used to comment on my broad shoulders. "Oh you have such nice broad shoulders" she would say "suits will look so nice on you, you don't need shoulder pads AT ALL" (wow, what a compliment). Yes, she is a seamstress and YES she did grow up in an era of shoulder pads (I actually shudder at the thought), and YES, she does have narrow shoulders! Why couldn't I just have had the perfect combination of my mom's narrow shoulders and my dad's broad ones! DAMN YOU mutated genes (Yes, I am a biology second year university student! By the way, if there are any oncology pharmaceutical researchers reading this, SPONSOR ME, I have a revolutionary idea and I assure you, my confidence in my abilities far surpasses that of my confidence in my appearance). Moving on. Now, I don't want to exaggerate the broadness of my shoulders, they're not linebacker broad as I've seen on some women (thank the Lord), they're just a little broader than average, in fact, they may be average but my shoulders look look even WORSE with my narrow hips (don't worry, we'll get to that).
Let's move down to my boobs, average size, 32D blah blah blah, nothing special there. Moving on
Waist = small, tummy = pretty flat, but HIPS, or should I say lack thereof. I actually have no hips! I confronted my mom about this once and she said "You're CRAZY, we would have noticed that you had no hips when you were born". Really mom, I applaud your attempt at humor, but fail. Now in a world where the hour glass shape is the epitome of beauty, my lack of hips highly decreases (juxtaposition!) my chances of getting a man! I have yet to meet ONE guy who has a fetish for narrow to no hips. Even if there were men out there who had a fetish for no hips, I'd be too creeped out to give them a chance. Okay, I do have hips, but they're just very narrow that they actually concave, yes, I said concave, inwards. My left side looks like well a normal non concaving narrow hip, but my right side actually is jutted in. I have to assume it's because one of my legs is shorter (guess which one). It would seem that no matter how many hip abductors I do, squats, or how much I eat, I will never get any flesh in my hip area because I guess that's just how my genes work.
Now on to my legs which are nothing spectacular, I actually have huge thighs. I'm pretty lean everywhere but my thighs are massive. Granted, I was very athletic when I was younger but now I just laze around all day dreaming of Utopia (still go to the gym almost every day though!) Now if I had hips, those thighs would actually be attractive but because of my lack of hips they look, well, ewwwwwwwww. No matter how much cardio I do, my thighs never decrease in size! I just lose weight in my boobs and I need them!!! They're the only proof that I'm a woman...well and that vagina of course! I will never get that much coveted space between my thighs! And no tight skinny jeans for me. Okay so shapely calves (I actually love my legs, especially when I wear heels), flat wide feet (right is wider than the left, due to one leg being shorter, again guess which one)
So now I've described me! And that's all there is about this ugliness! WRONG! There's more! I am completely covered with hair! Okay, not completely, but I'll quickly describe it for you so you get the picture. A girl is supposed to grow hair where? Quick lesson folks. On her head, on her underarms, pubic area, legs, and forearms. Now where do I have hair? On my head (yay!), on my breasts (boo!!! very thin light hairs), on my stomach (boo!!!!), again thin and light but covered in hair, on my thighs (front and back, thin and light but nevertheless, covered in hair), on my legs, on my underarms, pubic area, but wait, I saved the best for last, on my chin! Yes ladies and gentlemen, on my chin! NO, it's not a beard! but I get about 10-20 hairs on my chin, most are thin and light colored but I get 2 coarse hairs every time. Guess what, I'm not even 20 yet! but I have to WAX my chin! My mom gets them, but she didn't start getting them until she was approaching menopause and she only gets 2 or 3!
NO, I don't have hormonal problems! I've gone and seen a physician, an endocrinologist, your mom, etc and I've done many checkups and all my hormone levels are normal. I have the normal amount of estrogen for a female, the normal amount of testosterone (or androgens, whichever you prefer) for a female, etc. Whether or not they're in balance, I don't know, but what I do know is that I don't have too much testosterone.
Looking at the females in my family, NONE of them have deep voices, ALL of them have hips, etc, so why was I cursed? SIMPLY for YOUR humor of course. All I can do is thank God that my intelligence level is above average and that I will be finding the cure to cancer (again, pharmaceutical companies, I am at your mercy!)
Despite all these issues, I am thankful that I have a good sense of humor, I can see, I can hear, I can eat, I'm healthy, I have a family that loves me, good friends, a good education (ignore the grammar mistakes here, I wrote this in a hurry), etc. Still, in a society that places such a high value on beauty, I can't help feeling insecure and knowing that I have to work so much harder to get where I want because I'll never be society's definition of beautiful and I have to wait so much longer for my Prince Charming (if he even exits). Nope, never had a boyfriend.
Well, that's all for today! Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry that it was so long this time but it was my first entry and I had to painfully describe myself. Leave your questions and comments here or you can email me at diaryofanuglygirl@gmail.com :)
Hello all my gorgeous beautiful people, how I wish I were you :). This is my first blog ever...actually, it's not, but that's besides the point. Needless to say, this is my first ever legitimate blog and a summer project for myself. This blog is pretty much self explanatory and will take you through the life and journey of an ugly girl, a.k.a, me. The point of this blog isn't to pity myself, or to cry about how ugly I am (well sometimes it will be just that), but it's to make all of you out there realize that you are all truly gorgeous and beautiful and that you should ALWAYS love yourself. Comprende? This is a lesson that I am slowly learning and I hope that by the culmination of this blog, whenever that is, I will have learned to love myself for who I am. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I will enjoy writing it. Ach So, Commencer S'il Vous Plait!
Über Mich (About Me)
Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you possibly the ugliest girl you have ever seen (well not yet). I was torn deciding whether or not to put my photo of myself but for the sake of remaining anonymous, I have decided not to. I just hope my description of myself will suffice. So you're probably wondering just how ugly I am, well I'll tell you. To begin with, I have two: eyes, a nose, lips, ears, shoulders, boobs, a torso, a navel, butt, legs, thighs, feet, arms, hair, eyebrows, etc. I sound absolutely gorgeous don't I? Well not really, I sound normal. I have brown skin (caramel colored), short hair that is a mess of curls, and brown eyes. I'm about 5'3 and weigh 119 lbs last time I checked (which was yesterday); however, despite all this "normalness" and ordinariness lies an ugly girl.
For starters, I'm about 300% sure that I was supposed to be a boy, but at the last minute, God (or whoever you believe in) decided to uhhhh, just toss a vagina into the concoction that produced me. Really, I'm sure I was supposed to be a boy. From the time I was young, I've always had a deep voice for a girl. Most girls have light whimsical voices that slowly deepens into a more womanly yet feminine voice upon reaching puberty. Even the women who have deep voices, you can still tell that they're a woman when they talk. Not me, no siree bob. My voice is so deep that when I talk on the phone (if I don't use my fake high pitched girl voice), people can't distinguish my sex. I remember the one time I prank called a guy and he said "I can't even tell if this is a guy or girl talking". Well that's pretty much my life story. And so, I've resolved to using my high pitched girly voice when talking to strangers.
As if that isn't horrible enough, I have a round face. You might be thinking, wow, this girl is crazy, there's nothing unfeminine about a round face. Hold your horses people, let me explain. Of course, like most people, I crave the oh so perfect and symmetrical feminine oval face but alas, I don't have that. Now, I'm not gorgeous like the round face celebrities out there such as Ginnifer Goodwin, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, etc, NOOOPE, God (again, whomever you believe in) decided that would have been way too good for me. My round face is covered by, you guessed it, beautiful acne which at this point in my life, I'm pretty sure is incurable, although it has gotten better now. On top of the acne, we have beautiful black spots (not beauty marks, I think I have about 3 beauty marks, how ironic), and then we have a bunch of ice pick acne scars, muyyyy delicious. Surprisingly, despite the rough appearance of my skin that makes you want to sandpaper the hell out of my face every time you see me, my skin is extremely soft and velvety (THANK GOODNESS, THE ONE GOOD THING). On my face I have beautiful small "football shaped eyes" (note the dripping sarcasm) as my optometrist calls them. Can you say astigmatism? 'Cause that's what I have! YAY. My nose is pretty normal and my lips are really nice (well I think so). So you see people, I'm not completely bashing myself, I am acknowledging the good points and the bad! Well moving on!
Next on this absolutely gorgeous girl is broad shoulders! Ewwww, I absolutely cannot stand my broad shoulders! When I was younger, my mother always used to comment on my broad shoulders. "Oh you have such nice broad shoulders" she would say "suits will look so nice on you, you don't need shoulder pads AT ALL" (wow, what a compliment). Yes, she is a seamstress and YES she did grow up in an era of shoulder pads (I actually shudder at the thought), and YES, she does have narrow shoulders! Why couldn't I just have had the perfect combination of my mom's narrow shoulders and my dad's broad ones! DAMN YOU mutated genes (Yes, I am a biology second year university student! By the way, if there are any oncology pharmaceutical researchers reading this, SPONSOR ME, I have a revolutionary idea and I assure you, my confidence in my abilities far surpasses that of my confidence in my appearance). Moving on. Now, I don't want to exaggerate the broadness of my shoulders, they're not linebacker broad as I've seen on some women (thank the Lord), they're just a little broader than average, in fact, they may be average but my shoulders look look even WORSE with my narrow hips (don't worry, we'll get to that).
Let's move down to my boobs, average size, 32D blah blah blah, nothing special there. Moving on
Waist = small, tummy = pretty flat, but HIPS, or should I say lack thereof. I actually have no hips! I confronted my mom about this once and she said "You're CRAZY, we would have noticed that you had no hips when you were born". Really mom, I applaud your attempt at humor, but fail. Now in a world where the hour glass shape is the epitome of beauty, my lack of hips highly decreases (juxtaposition!) my chances of getting a man! I have yet to meet ONE guy who has a fetish for narrow to no hips. Even if there were men out there who had a fetish for no hips, I'd be too creeped out to give them a chance. Okay, I do have hips, but they're just very narrow that they actually concave, yes, I said concave, inwards. My left side looks like well a normal non concaving narrow hip, but my right side actually is jutted in. I have to assume it's because one of my legs is shorter (guess which one). It would seem that no matter how many hip abductors I do, squats, or how much I eat, I will never get any flesh in my hip area because I guess that's just how my genes work.
Now on to my legs which are nothing spectacular, I actually have huge thighs. I'm pretty lean everywhere but my thighs are massive. Granted, I was very athletic when I was younger but now I just laze around all day dreaming of Utopia (still go to the gym almost every day though!) Now if I had hips, those thighs would actually be attractive but because of my lack of hips they look, well, ewwwwwwwww. No matter how much cardio I do, my thighs never decrease in size! I just lose weight in my boobs and I need them!!! They're the only proof that I'm a woman...well and that vagina of course! I will never get that much coveted space between my thighs! And no tight skinny jeans for me. Okay so shapely calves (I actually love my legs, especially when I wear heels), flat wide feet (right is wider than the left, due to one leg being shorter, again guess which one)
So now I've described me! And that's all there is about this ugliness! WRONG! There's more! I am completely covered with hair! Okay, not completely, but I'll quickly describe it for you so you get the picture. A girl is supposed to grow hair where? Quick lesson folks. On her head, on her underarms, pubic area, legs, and forearms. Now where do I have hair? On my head (yay!), on my breasts (boo!!! very thin light hairs), on my stomach (boo!!!!), again thin and light but covered in hair, on my thighs (front and back, thin and light but nevertheless, covered in hair), on my legs, on my underarms, pubic area, but wait, I saved the best for last, on my chin! Yes ladies and gentlemen, on my chin! NO, it's not a beard! but I get about 10-20 hairs on my chin, most are thin and light colored but I get 2 coarse hairs every time. Guess what, I'm not even 20 yet! but I have to WAX my chin! My mom gets them, but she didn't start getting them until she was approaching menopause and she only gets 2 or 3!
NO, I don't have hormonal problems! I've gone and seen a physician, an endocrinologist, your mom, etc and I've done many checkups and all my hormone levels are normal. I have the normal amount of estrogen for a female, the normal amount of testosterone (or androgens, whichever you prefer) for a female, etc. Whether or not they're in balance, I don't know, but what I do know is that I don't have too much testosterone.
Looking at the females in my family, NONE of them have deep voices, ALL of them have hips, etc, so why was I cursed? SIMPLY for YOUR humor of course. All I can do is thank God that my intelligence level is above average and that I will be finding the cure to cancer (again, pharmaceutical companies, I am at your mercy!)
Despite all these issues, I am thankful that I have a good sense of humor, I can see, I can hear, I can eat, I'm healthy, I have a family that loves me, good friends, a good education (ignore the grammar mistakes here, I wrote this in a hurry), etc. Still, in a society that places such a high value on beauty, I can't help feeling insecure and knowing that I have to work so much harder to get where I want because I'll never be society's definition of beautiful and I have to wait so much longer for my Prince Charming (if he even exits). Nope, never had a boyfriend.
Well, that's all for today! Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry that it was so long this time but it was my first entry and I had to painfully describe myself. Leave your questions and comments here or you can email me at diaryofanuglygirl@gmail.com :)
Stay Gorgeous!
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